Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
