Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
