Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Enjoy the penises
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
