I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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