yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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