I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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