I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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