You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
