sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize