whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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