booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
