If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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