I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
