So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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