Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
