he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
