How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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