u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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