My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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