tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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