I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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