I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
