He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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