I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
