he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
