I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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