i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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