did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
