omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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