Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
