Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
