Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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