Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like God shit irony all over that family
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
