no, he came in my armpit
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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