i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
