She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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