I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize