Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
