He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
