No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
