Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My bed smells like the plague
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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