My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
