Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
