i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
