i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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