is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
