I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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