i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
