my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
