They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize