Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
