good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
