she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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