Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
