Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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