the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
