So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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