hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize