i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
