I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
