beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
