Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
