I accidentally had phone sex last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
