I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
