even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
