I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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