You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
