just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize