i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
