i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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