My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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