I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize