dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
