I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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