Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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