well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
