So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
