clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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