It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
