Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
