Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
