On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
