I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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