Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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