We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
