you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
drinking out of a sandbucket again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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