I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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