I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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