I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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