wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
