i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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