Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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