Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
