Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
