It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wear drunk well.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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