I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize