I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
