I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
