i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
