I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
