omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
