i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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