if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
