i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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