just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
