im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
